Tardonials, Duluth's second most famous manuscript museum, will feature the diary of electromechanical vibrator inventor Hadley Wood. An educated man of modest income, Wood invented his most popular work in Eastfield, Massachusetts in the early 1900s. Below are some excerpts.

June 6, 1908
I received a troubling telegraph today from my sister Dora. Her husband won't be returning to their home in Westfield due to a lingering bout of shiny shin sickness. A hard blow to be dealt, indeed. Heathcliff must stay at the hospital in Boston for three months. She yearns deeply for his company. Alas, Dora claims her sorrow is such that it has affected her physically. Poor dear. She's asked if her faithful younger brother can invent a device that will relieve the pain in the muscles on the back of her shoulders. She also revealed that the pain has moved to the inner thigh. I reckon that I must put my plans of the refinement of my new buttermilk nozzle on the back burner, as I must create a tool to tend to my lonely sister's malady. Hadley Wood

June 27, 1908
Another telegraph from my sister Dora. Good news! My electromechanical vibrating muscle tender has apparently had quite the effect. A few weeks ago, I sent, by horse, my latest invention. I took a soft leather tube and shaped it in such a way that it could be held in one hand and could be gently placed upon the skin. Inside the leather tube, I installed a toy motor that could be activated by electrical current. When turned on, the machine warms up and vibrates. My goal was to simply have a relaxing effect of warm soft leather gyrating on a sore muscle. Dora, claims that not only has the pain on her shoulders and inner thigh has been obliged, but her melancholy has lifted. And she declares that my electromechanical vibrating muscle tender is used almost every day. Sometimes two or three times. With those fine tidings, I can get back to working on my steamless elbow steamer. Hadley Wood

July 19, 1908
Ye gods! I must confess that many telegraphs have made their way to me lately. My loving sister Dora felt so impressed by my vibrating muscle tender that she shared its varied uses to her constituents and in Westfield. Now they all want me to make them each one for their own pains. A lady wrote demanding one at any price and inquired if it could be made with different speeds. Another wished for a slightly longer one. And a very strange order came from a desperate madam asking if little attachments could be added to the tip for what she says is "a deep, very deep, uncomfort that resonates directly between the hips." Much work to do, if I want to fill these orders. Leather supplies are low. I'm thinking of molding a rubbery substance as a replacement. So much for my new idea of a buggyless horse buggy. Hadley Wood

Sept. 2, 1908
The telegraph orders increase by the week. Last Tuesday alone, thirty orders arrived for the vibrating muscle tender. My shop hand, Louis, says we should plainly call it a "vibrator" instead of the electromechanical vibrating muscle tender. People as far north as Charlmont and as east as Harwich have discovered my invention and sent along currency notes wishing for their own. I believe I have popular product on my hands. I read that it's all the rage in Pittsfield. And not only for women. My youthful and playful cousin Hayden Ashe has expressed an interest in purchasing a vibrator for his sore lower back. He's raised an interesting query about color. He would prefer one of a darker shade. Perhaps by Christmas, I can get it in the Sears and Roebuck catalog. Dually, I'd like to invent an electric crust crumbler. Now THAT would be something people need! Hadley Wood

Hadley Wood's diary can been seen at Tardonials Manuscript Museum throughout August.

© Mark Lindquist

June 6th, 1997
Upcoming starlet, Eleanor Boardsman, arrived at noon to get my impression of a film role she had been offered. The working title: Wacky Wagons Go West. I told her it looked like crap. "You're a cruel man," she retorted; then gave me a slap across the face. I grabbed her by the shoulders and whispered, "Come on baby, let's discuss it after a bath." We embraced and filled the whole tub with gin. After I did a quick re-write of the script, we toweled off and made love for a passionate six to seven minutes. Suddenly, the phone rang. It was movie producer Ronald LeMarr. "Lindquist, get Boardsman on a plane to Denver pronto. She starts shooting in 24 hours!" I told him I'd have her there in ten with the re-write tucked in her slacks. LeMarr shouted, "I didn't hire you to do a re-write." I let him squirm, then I gave him the old, "It includes two nude scenes with Mexican midgets and Boardsman won't do the film without it." Ha! We laughed. She went to Denver with the re-write and some new confidence in full frontal nudity thanks to me. I love this biz!

April 14th, 2000
Established actress and political activist Virginia Corbin came to my door in a terrible state. She had never done comedy before and had just been signed to do six weeks of a production called Adventures Of Clumpy, The Lovable Clump Of Grass. "What is funny?" she asked. "Comedy is tragedy plus time. Judging from your shoes, you'll need at least a year." Then she lifted up her shirt. "Is this funny?" "Hilarious!" I exclaimed. We passionately made love for a long six to seven minutes. Suddenly, the phone rang. Producer Ronald LeMarr was on the other end. "Lindquist, get Corbin to Los Angeles in 24 hours. We start rehearsals tomorrow afternoon." "Ronny, I gotta tell you, whatever you're paying her, add another twenty percent. Ten for each breast which I just made the funniest act in America." Ha! We both laughed. The Clumpy show ran for a year and Virginia's bosom was described as the best performance west of Vegas. I love this biz!

© Mark Lindquist