March 1st, 1991
I started work as consultant for a publishing house in Bloomington. Back then my best friend was a small time numbers runner who went by the name of Vito (The Calculator) DeFrancisco. They called him The Calculator because he always made guttural beeping and clicking noises when he would add up your gambling debts. Vito called me up one day weeping that he needed dough. "Stop crying," I scolded him, "It's embarrassing. Look, invest everything you have in shares of this publishing house. Then sell them all on June 6th. I have inside information." I explained that I overheard the head editor wanted to put all stock into a book of poems by pop music sensation Tiffany. Whatever his obsession with her was, I knew it would lead to total bankruptcy. Vito took my advice and it paid off. Three months later he became the Don of the Palizzolo family and never looked back. One late evening he called to thank me, "Lindquist, you're beautiful! You've put me on top of the world." "Don't mention it," I joked into the phone, "If I ever need someone killed you can return the favor." We both laughed. I love show business!
Nov. 24th, 1992
Louise Pickford just couldn't seem to shake her bad luck in getting lead roles in good pictures. She showed up at my door late one night weeping about a director who wouldn't cast her in some big budget production. "Stop crying," I slapped her, "It's embarrassing. I know this director from way back in my fraternity days. He's a real sicko. Look, show up at his office wearing a diaper and a bib. Tell him that little baby needs a big lolly. He might do some tasteless things to you, but you'll get that job." A week later she called me. My deviant plan worked; she was now the lead in "Crazy Baby Needs Cookie." Louise was ecstatic, "You're beautiful, Lindquist!" "Don't mention it, kid," I joked, "You were born to be Crazy Baby and this film will make millions ... and I want fifteen percent." We both laughed knowing I'd only get ten. So what! I love show business.
