Dear Duluth Vista Fleet,

I am inquiring the availability and pricing of renting out two boats in your fleet for an employee "private party" on Monday, Oct 23rd, between 5 PM and 11 PM. We will be coming up from Minneapolis via bus and are looking to relax on a boat ride. I will detail the specs of this party below, but first I would like to define, so there is no mistake, the meaning of "private." Webster's Dictionary defines "private" as a nearly evergreen shrub related to...wait. Sorry, I'm looking at the wrong word here. I was looking at the word "privet." I never really used this book before. It's like you need a dictionary just to look up words in a dictionary. Here we are, "private": the state of being apart from observation, not known publicly. That is of the utmost importance for our proposed party: having it not known publicly.

Now as far as what kind of function we intend to host on the Vista Fleet, I want assure you that anything occurrence or any "off color" events that you and your staff may witness, all parties involved are consenting adults. There may be some younger ladies from the Twin Cities involved. There may be some even younger ladies from Atlanta and Memphis. And possibly (hopefully) they will be joined by some even younger women from Bangkok. Despite their dress, these women are professionals and all of legal drinking age. Please inform your staff and captain that these entertainers are not to be stopped from their performances. Nor are they to be touched or looked at directly in the eye. That makes them nervous. And no freebies. Have you ever heard of a Cincinnati Reacharound or Hong Kong Daisy Chain? If you haven't, please familiarize yourself with these terms, so you and your staff are prepared for the type of entertainment we will be supplying for my employee party.

We also plan on bringing with us up to twenty young men. These men are employees of mine, who, for various reasons, need to get away from the hustle and bustle of our high profile business. Once again, I must ask that you keep their privacy as a top priority. And also, please do not stop the boat trip before the scheduled time. We ran into a problem with a captain who, after a few misunderstandings, turned the boat around two hours early. That really put a bummer on the planned group-grope that we had all been looking forward to. Also, like the young ladies accompanying them, no touching, not direct eye contact, and no freebies. No autographs either. I've instructed all my employees coming on this trip to sign any autograph with the name Chris Hovan, so please don't push it.

Please fax pricing and availability to the number below.

Yours truly,
Mike Tice

© Mark Lindquist