An area of the Skywalk that attracts tons of freaky action is the corridor that runs over Superior Street and 1st Ave. W. I have yet to figure out why because that section has bright lighting and lots of foot traffic from stiff sober "suits" passing through to get their fill of coffee and office gossip. So you wouldn't expect that hallway to act as headquarters for unseemly behavior from downtown nutballs. But sure enough, about every third day I'm walking along there, something weird happens. I could write fifty stories about what goes on in that part of the Skywalk, but I'll just tell this one.

I'm strolling along on a nice summer day; headphones on, bag lunch in hand, minding my own business. I'm halfway down said crossing when I spot a young lady around fifteen years old sitting along the window ledge talking on her cell phone. She's dressed like any ordinary gothy teenager and babbling like any other idiot who has a cell phone. So I'm not expecting any problems (my first mistake). Suddenly, she snaps her fingers at me, continues the phone conversation, and sits up. I turn down my headphones and turn my eyes in her direction (mistake number two). She says to the cell phone, "Hey, hold on a second." Then she takes a step towards me with her hand out and asks, "Look man, do you have any spare change?"

I pride myself on being the "king of the comeback" and the "master of the one-liners." But for some reason that day, I had no witty comeback (my third mistake). My response sounded like, "Uhhhh....no, I guess, uhhhhh, I don't have any change right now." What happened next made me want to send anthrax to myself just to end what I endure in this town. She gives me this look where she squints her eyes, turns her head, and nods a little bit as if to say, "Whatever, you loser." Hey! Daddy didn't raise no losers. Apparently, the cell phone beggar thinks daddy did raise a loser. Then it's right back to her phone conversation, "Yeah, so anyway, blah blah blee bluu blah..."

This next story didn't happen in the Skywalk, but near it. And it didn't happen to me. Also, it may not have happened the way I'm about to tell it, but close enough, right? What's important here is that it's what I should have said to "cell phone beggar." It's what we should all say to the people who ask for spare change in the Skywalk.

A street drunk once approached my friend and asked for a quarter. My friend, in his brilliance, told the guy he'd give him three bucks if he could do three somersaults. You ever see a street drunk perform gymnastics in a dark alley for Wild Cat Ice money? Well you should...and most likely can if you put these people to work. "You want my spare change? Well, I want to see tumbling and square-dancing. Possibly a song." The best part: after the guy tried to do the summersaults, my friend never gave him the money. I love happy endings.

© Mark Lindquist

Writing "report card" type sports columns is the laziest thing in the world for journalists, especially in early parts of a season. The first thirty days in a seven-month year of baseball allows prognosticators to analyze and predict just about anything they want with no repercussions. If you get a prediction wrong in May, no one remembers by October. If you somehow go Nastrodomas on the readers' asses and get a prediction correct, you can brag about it for an entire year. So here we go. Please don't remind me of this column in August, unless I was right.

Pitching: Minnesota should have one of the top three pitching rotations in the AL. Santana continues to pitch like the Cy Young winner he is. Radke, Mays, and Silva have gone out there and thrown the ball pretty well. Loshe sucks, but the bullpen, when not injured or suspended, is next to lights out. We're losing a lot of one run games and that doesn't rest on the pitching's shoulders. Grade B+.

Hitting: In the first thirty days season, Minnesota's hitters have frustrated me to no end. What kills me is that these kids can knock the ball around all day long, just never on the same day, in the same inning. They're allowing opposing starting pitchers to stay in the game too long by continually leaving multiple base runners in scoring position. Stewart, Jones, Mauer, Hunter, Ford and Morneau have to be worth more than four runs a game. Manager Ron Gardenhire should and most likely will tinker with the order until some RBI consistency shows itself. Grade C+.

Fielding: It's not as good as it was in the past couple of seasons. And it's an inexperienced infield. I still think losing Koski and Guzman on the left side will cost the Twinkies some runs in bigger games. Moving Mauer to third base would be more of an experiment than an improvement right now. Not neccesarily a glaring weakness, but the absence of the vacuum like fielding of Twins' teams of the past could cost us a close division race. Grade B-.

Overall: The fight with the White Sox is officially on. Chicago may not have their usual Mariah Carrie like mental breakdown after the all star break. The first thirty days of the young season has shown the Twins just a wee bit weaker than last year and the Sox a little more confident. I do think Minnesota will get hot as the summer gets hotter and the White Sox will cool off as the autumn gets cooler. In a close one, Chicago wins the AL Central. But don't fret, the Twins will sneak into October as a wild card winner. First 30 Day Grade: A very low B.

© Mark Lindquist